DNC Leak Reveals Ellison's True Role

An internal DNC memo was leaked late this afternoon outlining the Democrats agenda for the next six months or so. We’re still sifting through and following up on some of the material but the one thing we can report on at this time is nothing short of incredible.
It turns out that the Deputy Chair position recently bestowed upon intermittent progressive Keith Ellison sees him with an incredibly limited set of duties indeed. The fear amongst the establishment wing of the democrats is excessive transparency. Tom Perez in tirelessly striving for transparency to be the byword for the Democratic party is running the risk of revealing the lack of substance and vision contained within the Democratic platform.
Barrack Obama may have “created a monster” in shoehorning Perez into the DNC chair position. Perez is hopelessly locked into a one word, “catch all” answer when making the case for the Democratic Party right now. “Each and every time Perez is forced into extolling the virtues of transparency he incrementally fades from view”. What was meant by this statement was unclear until we read on.
Our first thought was that perhaps the writer of this memo meant that Perez’s message was falling on increasingly deaf ears but as we read on we were shocked to find that Perez may be actually phasing out of existence or crossing over to an alternative reality. Perez is personifying the Famous Beatles lyric “Got to be good looking cause he’s so hard to see”. In short Tom Perez is DISAPPEARING!
It seems that Keith Ellison’s chief job will be pointing to Tom and pretending he’s perfectly visible. Furthermore Ellison is on a crash diet and learning to use stilts, so he can stand in as Perez during the transition period when Perez will still be audible but completely invisible. Also on Ellison’s agenda are daily appointments with a Hollywood dialect coach so that he can effectively mimic the voice of Perez once Tom completely crosses over to the alternative reality. There’s no indication of how the DNC will communicate with Perez once he crosses over, we assume Keith will then be reading notes that will come directly from Barrack Obama himself.
We’ll keep you posted as we glean more information from this leaked memo. Click the little red chicken logo at the top of the screen to follow us on Twitter and stay posted.

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